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The Insane Ways the Rich Spend Their Money

October 9, 2017 • Fisittests

So what will they do with all that extra moola-shmoola? Buy more toys, of course.

And judging from the latest issues of Architectural Digest and Town & Country (known among the estate crowd as, “Look at what Miffy and Junior have done to the country house!”) the really rich are different from you and me.

For example, according to T&C, they spend $300 a month for a fasting meal plan or even visit a doctor for their weight management like Dr. Cesar Lara from Florida. Flipping through the Hearst title, the editors answer that age-old riddle: “How will you stay hydrated this spring?” The answer: a $75 Stelton jug. A red Solo cup it is not.

We learned that topping the list of family-vacation bragging rights is the so-called “doubleheader” — as in going first to Aspen because your kids are such good skiers and then jetting off to “It’s wheels up to Cabo (San Lucas, Mexico)!” Or so says Jill Kargman, creator of “Odd Mom Out,” mimicking well-heeled Upper East Side moms.

We also got to visit the hot-ish Kalorama neighborhood in Washington, DC — where the Obamas, the (Ivanka) Trumps and the (Secretary of State Rex) Tillersons all can swap neighborly air-kisses. Of the tony ZIP code, DC lobbyist Mario Castillo says, “We’re neighbors first, and titles second.” Right. Call me.

We really liked the $800 midriff-baring Spandex set by Fendi (not) and Versace’s $450 floral offering on the next page.

On page 136, T&C gets to next-level money envy. “Are you rich enough to live forever?” Paul Tullis asks in the headline of an article that delves into the hundreds of millions spent by Oracle co-founder Larry Ellison, Google co-founder Sergey Brin, and PayPal co-founder Peter Thiel to cheat death.

“Death never made any sense to me,” Ellison says. At times, neither did T&C.

Meanwhile, over at Architectural Digest, you’d best be in the 0.01 uber-wealthy percentile to get ANYTHING out of this Condé Nast title.

“The decorator in my soul insists that the literal space we occupy can certainly pack a massive punch, no matter how minuscule in the grander scheme of the universe,” Editor-in-Chief Amy Astley writes. No, her column didn’t come with a secret decoder ring.

And if you are thinking about getting some really interesting chairs for the parlor of your ski house, AD suggests you just hop over to Chandigarh, an area in northern India known for its chairs. But you probably already knew that.

AD reminds all us non-wealthy readers that the chairs are “those frequently photographed pieces by Pierre Jeanneret” — who also designed them: $15,000 for a pair.

Don’t have the time to jet to India for a couple of uncomfortable-looking chairs, then how about a Greyhound bus trip to Columbus, Ind.? The town is the “mecca of midcentury modernism” — and home to five-figure watches, the perfect travel companion for the global jet-setter.” And what’s five figures for the AD set — merely the money you save for not going to Chandigarh.

This story is not a chicken joke

It says something about the constant deluge of political coverage when a piece about the inhumane conditions at an Ohio chicken plant can be considered an enjoyable read. But here we are.

The New Yorker profiles Case Farms, the supplier to KFC and Taco Bell that is described as an “outrageously dangerous place to work” and one of the “worst chicken plants for animal cruelty.” The 12-page rehash on how President Trump could possibly be impeached made us almost wish we were a Case Farms chicken.

Instead, read Kumail Nanjiani’s profile. He’s a comedian who has the distinction of appearing in “almost every show beloved by comedy snobs.” Nanjiani also has a film coming out next month that has been winning praise in the festival circuit and was described by producer Barry Mendel as “part-comedy about comedy, part-drama about families, part-medical mystery, and also, incidentally, a Muslim American rom-com.”

New York, meanwhile can’t shake politics even after giving a fifth of its pages to dissecting “the reactionary [right wing] counterculture.”

Cover boy comedian Aziz Ansari gets pegged into the blue state hole by interviewer Jada Yuan to which Ansari answered: “I made this show and I’m from a red state.”

The show is Netflix’s “Master of None,” which will debut its second season later this month. Of Ansari’s unlikely success, mentor Chris Rock says: “There’s no easy path to stand-up, but an Indian kid from South Carolina? That’s some journey.”

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